Posts Tagged ‘friend’

What I find incredibly interesting is time. When we wait for something to happen, be it waiting to see the doctors, perhaps for a flight, or the bus when the rain pours down, it feels as though time couldn’t go by any slower. And yet when we are doing something incredibly entertaining, seeing old friends again, having much needed family time, then time seems to speed up and run away without us. Although the passing of the time is at the exact same rate, it is interesting how the brain can ignore time and speed it up, or concentrate so hard on it that it becomes a slow drudge.

It seems with old friends in particular that time can fly right before our eyes without even realising it. I graduated from University in 2011. It’s now 2014 and I have barely seen any of my close friends that I know I should have. But time ran away. I got a job, I moved house, twice, and thus moved further away and out of the ‘hop on the train and come see me for a day’ range. With the full-time job there are now less days available to me to come see my old friends, and likewise for them to see me.

I recently attended a wedding of a University friend. I hadn’t seen her since we graduated, almost a full three years ago. But as soon as I saw her time seemed to have forgotten to age us all, for she and I looked the same, and we were back to being exactly as we were. It was as if time did not speed through the last three years but instead simply paused. It took the moments we had, the people we were, and paused a portion of that time. When we reunited, we resumed as if no space had parted us. I met up with other friends who I hadn’t seen in a long time, and again we were exactly the same (except for maybe the posh wedding attire we all had donned).

The day itself flew by. It all happened so quickly that indeed it felt as though I merely blinked and missed it all. When will I see my friends again like that? Will time pause us again and reunite us back to our old University normality? Or will time speed on, and leave our memories marked in the footprints of our lives?


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Here’s a topic some will like, some will think it’s boring, and others might actually find helpful. I’ve been known to be a bit of an agony aunt, especially since my Dutch background comes with being very honest. If you want my opinion, I have no problem in supplying it. If you want to know if your bum looks big in a dress and want an honest answer, just ask me. It can land me in a little bit of trouble, white lies just don’t exist in my vocabulary, but when it comes to the big things in life, people appreciate it.

So when you go through a break up, your friends and family are there with an artillery of opinions and advice. You should go out, enjoy your new found single life, you should go visit your family for a while, you should start dating immediately. On this particular subject, I probably would have advised similar things (though maybe not so extreme) but that was before I went through the worst, and somehow the best, break up of my life. Let me bare my soul for a little bit as this is important to me. I dated a guy for over 8 months, it was incredible at first but the more time we spent together, two independent creatures thrown together, we started to deteriorate quickly. I was too attached and in love to let go so when the inevitable break up happened, I felt the true meaning of heart break. And let me tell you, it’s no easy thing. Months of depression followed. In this time friends suggested I go out and forget about it, party til my head was clear, start dating again after only a month. If I could go talk to myself in that time I would say the exact same advice I would give anyone else; Do what’s right by you.

If you want to stay in and eat take-out and ice-cream, watching sad films until you’ve cried it out, then do it. If you want to go away for a while, do it. If rebound helps then fine, not here to judge, here to help. It is very easy to give advice and I truly believe that, although people say ‘I’ve been in that situation, I know how you feel’ and legitimately believe they have been, they haven’t. But the tricky thing about break-ups in particular is just that; each relationship is different. The one I’m referencing I said was the worst and best so let me explain. The worst was sinking into depression. I locked myself in my room, cut off everyone from having contact with me, barely went to uni, instead I went to the doctors, was put on anti-depressants and went to counseling which really did help. The only people who saw me were my housemates. I gained a lot of weight which, annoyingly, am still shifting today. So what is so good about this unhealthy story? That time alone, I spent going over and over what I did wrong. It was in this time I really looked at myself for the first time in my life. I saw my flaws and how much they had impacted not only that relationship but the ones before. When I saw myself this clearly, I realised that if I don’t better myself, it’ll continue to wreck relationships. I didn’t change overnight, I didn’t change for anyone else but me, because when I saw myself I didn’t like what I was seeing. But if it wasn’t for that relationship, I would never have seen it. And I don’t think I ever thanked him for that.

Break-ups suck but the time you had, awesome, the memories, irreplaceable, so think about those times. Or don’t. Think of the future, think of yourself, think of the friends who helped you. And if you can learn something from a past relationship like I have, you’ll realise the importance of break-ups. The most important thing is to get over it… but in your own time, and your own way.

And yes, a cup of tea really does brighten a day.

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